A Girl Like Kirsha

David Walsh | Posted on March 20, 2012

Click here to hear the song

I wish I had a girl like you
Who looks and talks and smells like you
I know one girl would have to do
But I wish I had two girls like you

I wish I had two girls like you
A little greedy, I know that's true
My smile would stretch to Timbuctoo
If I had three girls like you

I wish I had three girls like you
I know that's too many girls to screw
Six holes counting the ones that poo
Or eight, if I had four girls like you

I wish that I had four girls like you
I could take them two by two
Another one could join the queue
Then I'd have five girls like you

I wish that I had five girls like you
Five girls like you would have to do
So many holes to go through
That's five not including you

Five girls I know is quite a lot
Lots of arse and lots of twat
I should be a bit more careful what
I can do and I cannot

I don't think I could handle four
Horny honeys wanting more
After three I might get bored
There'd still be one that I ignored

Even three would wear me thin
All those holes to go out and in
I'd spend my time just pondering
Who would notify my next of kin

When naughty ladies come in pairs
It's just like playing music chairs
I'm old enough that I don't care
Who does what and what goes where

Embarrassingly, for a man like me
Six or five or four or three
Or two is just too many
I just want one and not any one
Just you
Or I don't want any

© MONA, 2012
Lyrics by David Walsh
Arranged and Performed by Raz


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Biscuits, Daniel | March 20, 2012 at 04:27 pm

I’m thoroughly sick of the offensive bile this man continues to regurgitate

Ian Hewitt | March 20, 2012 at 07:24 pm

Well done David I like it

Kerry | March 20, 2012 at 08:48 pm

Extremely Delightful a little smutty Thats ok im slightly nutty , A love song Is love song no matter what the words say,It must of made sweet Kirsha's Day..........
and Birthed a smile in me .

Leica Wagner | March 20, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I wish I had six of you.
Just six of you would really do.
So much art and too much fun.
wouldnt know just when i was done.
No six of you just wouldn't do.
Too much MONAs for just a few.
Just stay as you are
A poetic star!

elizabethmead | March 21, 2012 at 10:25 am

Dear Mr Biscuits! Let's say, for the sake of argument, you think this poem is technically and formally impressive: its metre, rhythm and rhyme. Do you think the poem is still reprehensible, because its theme is sexual depravity? This is a genuine question. Should poetry only deal with the loftier elements of our nature?

On another note: Dan Savage (www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove) argues that women in monogamous relationships must either accept polygamy/cheating/mistresses, or put out more. He says open discussion about male sexuality - in all its uncomfortable reality - is the pathway to happier long-term relationships. In this sense, David's poem reflects a certain sexual health. Ew. Not in a herpes way.

- Elizabeth

Biscuits, Daniel | March 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Fascinating article...Thanks for the link.

Anny Tait | March 31, 2012 at 01:07 pm

That's hilarious! And so true. The fantasy is attractive - the reality is daunting.Con sume your share and conserve your heart.

daniel zachary | October 11, 2012 at 02:23 pm

thanks for the article link elizabethmead. good food for thought. particularly as to how far this whole kettle of fish strays into the realms of thoughtcrime.

dan | June 7, 2012 at 02:12 pm

Probably the best song ever created

bob georgeson | June 19, 2012 at 04:43 pm

I thought women had three holes? Something wrong with the math here, especially for a numbers man...