David Walsh, Earlobe

David Walsh | Posted on January 26, 2016

My meagre effort to implement Graeme Garden’s scheme to become an Earl and receive an OBE, and thus become an Earlobe, was long ago thwarted when Australia abandoned the English honours system.  However, I have been offered an award within the Australian honours system: an Officer in the General Division of the Order of Australia. I suspect it will surprise you that I accepted. It certainly surprised me. So now, if I so choose, I can sign my name David Walsh, AO. There are certain connotations of AO that I like – if my life were a movie I'd like to think that it would be rated Adults Only, but that isn't why I chose to accept. Knowing full well that one's motives are often unknown to oneself, I nevertheless will attempt to précis my rationale:

It has been awarded while both the local and federal governments are conservative. This, despite my regular vociferous opposition to many of the policies that conservatives hold dear (of course, had Labour been in power, the same logic would have applied).

The citation mentions my training-wheels museum, The Moorilla Museum of Antiquities. I was always kind of proud of that cultural David amongst Goliaths, but until this commendation I thought the stone had missed its mark.

The Officer award, the second highest division, has a dark side. Amongst recipients of this honour are Rolf Harris, Marcus Einfeld and Alan Bond; all, unsurprisingly, have since had their award revoked. Those bastards inoculate me against the insidious infection of self-satisfaction.

David Bowie was once offered a Knighthood, and he turned it down, saying ‘I seriously don't know what it's for’. I guess he didn't need to have his ego stroked. But he was a better man than me. He was also a better man than my wife, Kirsha. She's American, and she was not aware of the subtle differences between the English and the Australian honours systems. When I told her about my award she said, ‘Does that make me a Lady?’

Nominating yourself for an award and subsequently winning is a lot like masturbating and then declaring it the best fuck you've ever had. I don't know who nominated me, but based on the citation, he or she knows quite a bit about my activities, and approves. Although the citation doesn't include twice daily feeding, I suspect Christ the cat.

So there it is. I'm now an Officer of the Order Of Australia. An officer, yes, but not a gentleman.


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Anne Cordts | January 27, 2016 at 01:53 pm

I'm a bit late to the party I guess but congrats David, more deserving of this award than some other unmentionables ...oh you did mention them..oh well....! Thanks from me for MONA and MOFO and long may ye live! Slainte! xxx

Mark | January 26, 2016 at 10:52 am

Congratulaions David. You fly the flag for freedom of expression and help the meek to have a say.

ollie Wuttke | January 26, 2016 at 11:19 am

we are proud to be one of your neighbours ! Thank you for your generosity to our club.
Glenorchy City Tennis Club

Imants | January 26, 2016 at 07:28 am

Antiques only as few teens receive the award unless you have been on countdown

etruite | January 26, 2016 at 07:57 am

A belated Countdown award

rhinophile | January 26, 2016 at 08:27 am

I'd award you an Order of Australia just for this article. :)

Brian | January 26, 2016 at 08:47 am

Congratulations David...well deserved and I'm sure you will get heaps of mileage out of this award both now and in future times.

shane eastwood | January 26, 2016 at 12:15 am

You still have to turn up, at government house for the award, this morning I believe. And eat lamingtons.

Kate | January 26, 2016 at 10:45 am

Congratulations you deserve this you have given an incredible amount to the Tasmanian community and we are so greatful for your amazing and selfless generosity. Thank you for being the person you are we are all so proud of you and of how you have put our little Island on the international map

Jason | January 26, 2016 at 09:57 am

It was either that or gay marriage.

Ross Crayford | January 26, 2016 at 09:58 am

Great news well deserved for what you have done for tasmania

sylivacuthbertson | January 26, 2016 at 10:27 am

i hope christ turns up! x M

RJ Hastie | January 26, 2016 at 09:42 am

Good onya Walshy

Lisa Morgan | January 26, 2016 at 12:36 am

... without getting coconut down your shirt.

Nicholas Forrest | January 26, 2016 at 05:25 am

Congratulations David. This will be getting a mention on BLOUIN ARTINFO!

Very Best. Nic.

Nicholas Forrest | Head of Visual Arts

Siren Deluxe | January 26, 2016 at 05:58 am

I do my best to read everything you write, because you make me laugh, and your irreverence makes me relax and have hope for the GLAM world.

Andrea | January 26, 2016 at 06:30 am

I think it's wonderful, congrats. My dad was an OAM!

Delton(e) Hedges | January 26, 2016 at 06:57 am

I once stroked Christ...does that mean I might be next?

John Sidebottom | January 26, 2016 at 07:09 am

Congratulations...justly deserved and a little recognition for your efforts. Glad you accepted. Use the power wisely.

Zulya | January 26, 2016 at 11:31 am

Congrats! But what is it for? How does it help the arts?

Tassy Kontogiannis | January 26, 2016 at 11:34 am

I recently discovered you David (and your accomplishments) and you rekindled the same feelings in me from when I was 13 and discovered a tatty and coarsely printed porno mag found at the edge of a paddock. Thank you and congratulations.

Marcos Gogolin | January 26, 2016 at 11:39 am

Nice read thanks, hopefully your acceptance does not make you 'friendly' with them... on that note I need asking... Is Christ a selfless cat, worried about us becoming better people as THE only way to happiness? Risking its life to confront the establishment for no particular fucking gain?? Preaching love above all... and whilst being killed will suggest - forgive them they don't give a fuck (ops, I think I got the last bit wrong). Thus I would love to meet that cat... not sure if it is reciprocal I know but I had to ask, happy Australia day.

carolynaudet | January 28, 2016 at 12:32 am

Oh Well...I like what you said about it anyways!! Oh and I wished I just had a pattern???

markkromodimoeljo | June 3, 2016 at 10:51 pm

Sorry to hear that. Maybe if you had better artworks you might have gotten a better award.

Anne Carver | January 26, 2016 at 06:31 pm

You have shared your wealth. You are awsome.

Keith Jones | January 27, 2016 at 04:53 pm

Congratulations David on a well earned AO. I had assumed that Kirsha had ALWAYS been a Lady.

carolynaudetc | January 28, 2016 at 12:30 am

Oh Well......I like what you said about it anyways......

mmaggee2001 | January 26, 2016 at 09:46 am

Congratulations David....... My husband and I think you really deserve this award for all that you have done for the Tasmania.

Joseph Weil | February 1, 2016 at 02:44 pm

(Ax) person(x) => ((Et) time(t) ^ can-fool(x,t))